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Sunday, October 29th, 2006
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Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
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Today was a little frightening. The sky went from perfectly sunny to spitting hail stones in a matter of minutes. The weather here is really unpredictable to say the least. In Singapore, it's either hot, hotter or it rains cats and dogs. But when it does rain, the sky always warns with its rumbling thunder for a bit before it starts to pour.
I like storms to a certain extent, because there's always a chance of spotting a rainbow after the rain subsides. I do know that it's just light refracting off water droplets and all, but rainbows are really pretty. And, they're a symbol of the gay community. Shooting off in a tangent here. I know a lot of homophobes, and I really do not like that they have this mindset, but it's really hard to change their minds about how gays are just normal people who have a different preference.
I'm still plodding along in school, and it's hard to believe that I'm coming to the end of university life soon. After this year, it's going to be clinical work solely. So scary. Have to work harder, I guess. I'm going to be treating real people soon, and not just mucking around with my classmates, poking and prodding their muscles.
I should update more. It helps get the rid of the rambly thoughts in my head when I don't have someone who wants to talk to.
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Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
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I suddenly have the urge to start blogging again. I need a free photo hosting webby thingie, so I can post photos.
Any recommendations?
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Saturday, April 17th, 2004
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Does anyone watch Law & Order SVU? My lecturer looks quite like the partner of the female detective. Plus he's really suave and charismatic and really manly. O, did I mention he's also reputable hotshot in the world of physiotherapy? He's so hot!
Darn, I should definitely concentrate more during lectures instead of drooling at him.
Having my mid-semester break now, trying to catch up with a lot of my work. At least, I did some productive stuffs for the past 2 days.
The past few weeks of school went by so quickly. With all the work being piled on, falling sick and ending up in hospital with a drip stuffed up my arm, a high fever and strange male nurses injecting me so bloody many times. Once this holiday is over, I know I'm going to have to work my butt off. I want to do better this semester, cause I know that besides feeling slightly homesick, I'm much more emotionally sound than last year. I miss home. *sigh* The holidays end this weekend. Which can only mean the end of semester is coming soon, with the exams and the stress. *eep* I think studying for the end of semester exams in first semester is so much more depressing and stressful than in the second semester. Nothing can be more depressing than having to study your life away, mugging until your brains want to explode, whilst freezing to death. With either the option of sitting in front of the heater until I get dried up and shriveled like a prune, or hurdling up in blankets on my bed and falling asleep, without having studied enough, which leads to higher stress levels. It's a vicious cycle.
Physiology mid-semester next week. 35%. That's a lot. If I screw it up, I'm as dead as the frog we killed during the practical.
But I have to be hooked on watching the Initial D anime, which I'm going to watch right after I post this.
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I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want.
Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.
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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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I think being overly independent for too long can make one unable to make close friends easily anymore. I can't seem to connect or "click" with many of the friends I make here, especially my classmates. I don't share my thoughts as often as I used to. Creating a huge void that in my heart, which results in me feeling a very strong bond with my dog. Is that odd? Deriving so much joy from the feeling of companionship I get from peanut just by him doing simple things like sleeping beside me at night. Often when I get frazzled in school, I don't bring it up to my classmates, instead, I just count the minutes until I get home when I can get a whiff of doggie scent. Will this lead to deep psychological problems when I get older? Like what if I won't be able to interact with other people when I get older?
Will i become a hermit? Meep.
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In case anybody was wondering, I am, indeed, still existing, albeit plodding along in my pitiful university life. AH, the perks of turning 21. You're start to feel like a jaded old fart. The things you used to have so much fun doing, start becoming mundane, the things you used to find breathe-taking, start to become ordinary. I won't dwell on these depressing thoughts much longer.
+On people i don't get along with+
Should I fight the disgust that is bursting within me and try to pretend that I like them? I think not. I've got a mind of my own, and should that offend them, I guess they need to expand their horizons a little bit more.
+On struggling to cope with school work+
Once again, I find myself seriously lacking in the discipline that I've been lusting for my whole academic life. Discipline and focus. The 2 things that my genes didn't code much for. I started with a little and by now, having gone through the aging process, I have a paltry, nearly non-existent, amount. This has quite terrible ramifications. Like how it's only the third week of school and i'm already quite behind in my anatomy tutorials. Why do physios have so much of anatomy to swallow?! And they have to make us do functional anatomy! Which sounds like greek to me. I was so traumatised during my first introductory lecture, which is never a good sign. *composes myself* I've got to change the perception that studying in laid-back Australia is a walk in the park! I am about to get a panic attack soon. I can so feel it coming.
+On the things I want to accomplish+
I want to be Ebay savvy, learn how to operate a vehicle(2 & 4 wheels), save the soul of my over-worked computer(clean out it's memory of redundant files), keep my house clean, get PR and not forgetting the annoying detail of school work.
+Person I want to say 'Hi' to+
Kmazzy! Thanks for your email. So sweet of you. My puppy's doing great! Although not so much of a puppy anymore. He's quite big and strong now.
Time for a nap.
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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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been back for about 2 weeks. not up to anything much except some well-deserved R&R. going to start work next week, so no more partying for me, i guess.
i'm glad to be back. seeing all my friends, i just wished i was around when all they had their special moments.
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
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my anatomy exam's coming in a bit, and there are still a couple of chapters i'm absolutely clueless about.
i know i didn't put in enought effort all semester, but i just didn't seem to have the motivation. i always tell myself i'll studying for something, then i just keep putting it off until it never comes. i only have myself to blame.
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Monday, November 10th, 2003
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it was so tough. the questions were all so clinical. none of the 'straight from the notes' type of questions. really had to sit down and think about how to structure my answer to accurately answer the question. not hoping for a distinction, think a credit would be good for a paper this tough. anyways, that's one physio paper down. i wrote until my hand hurts so much now. where's the muscles rub? i can't believe my hand muscles are aching because of the exams.
anatomy on wednesday, i'm sick of studying already. i realise that i've never prepared for any subject more than 1 day in advance. maybe i should change the last minute attitude. not so good anymore.
20 days to go to going home. can't wait.
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Sunday, November 9th, 2003
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Thursday, November 6th, 2003
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anybody knows what in the world is that supposed to mean? i've been here a while and still have yet to find that out.
so... i'm supposed to be studying my life away, but i'm not. a few reasons why: i vomited my lungs out on monday because of some gastric virus, according to the doctor. i thought it was food poisoning, but hey, i'm not going to argue with the doctor. he should know better. spent the whole of tuesday recuperating. couldn't move my limbs as much as i told them to. started to study a little yesterday, but physiotherapy doesn't seem to be really interesting at the moment. so i ended up typing up resumes for a number of hospitals in singapore, practically begging them to allow me to work for free for them as a physiotherapy aide, so i can spend my vacation time more sensibly, instead of just slacking around. hopefully they'll take me. *fingers crossed*
i can't wait to get home. already mentally planning out my uber-exciting 3 month escapade holiday and thinking of all the fun stuff i'll get to do! i've bummed for 9 months with nothing to do.
going to get a gym membership for a gym that has branches in both oz and sgp. so i'll be able to use the facilities in both places. i think that quite good value for 60 dollars a month. came across a cute quote: "don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number." but... women, vain creatures that we are simply let out pride get to us and not forgetting our over-active imaginations that out thoughts like out boyFs eyes will wonder about if we allow our waistlines to expand.
i just want to get through this examination in one piece and avoid the whole traumatizing turn of events i had last semester. i have 8 papers in a space of 10 days! i find that rather inhumane. it's back to doing what i do best, last minute cramming!!
i wish i would get myself to update more often. but, my life's just boring, i don't do much, and i'm a bum. heh.
the freckled one.
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Saturday, October 11th, 2003
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no school to go to, not many friends to go out with. no one to fill the silence.
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Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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work's getting to me, feel like i'm going to break down cause i don't think i can handle all of it. i'm getting quite stressed out.
on a slightly happier note, this is what i did during my one week mid-term break.
*went down to dreamworld*
*hung out with peanut*
attending raymond's graduation later this evening. makes me wonder when, o when, will MY graduation be, so i can stop plowing through this anatomy rubbish...
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Saturday, September 20th, 2003
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i constantly feel my tum churning. i keep wanting to throw up. i feel so sick.
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Friday, September 19th, 2003
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because that wretched thing was happily lazing on the bristles of my toothbrush. and me having half-blind without my glasses after just taking a shower was about to put my toothbrush into my mouth with that arachnoid on it but when my toothbrush was at the tip of my nose, i was like, 'eh, what's that fuzzy black spot on my oral-b?'
'o my god! it's a spider!' aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
panic. panic. panic.
i proceeded to frantically wash it down the sink.
i. hate. spiders.
in case you guys didn't know, there are millions of spiders in my backyard, and it doesn't help to know that the spiders in aussieland are so much huger than the puny ones that hop around harmlessly in sgp. o, and i hate it when princess starts staring, it can only mean that she's got her sights set on some bug that i hate to have around in the house. did i mention she killed a tree lizard the other day and left it at the bottom of the stairs. i nearly freaked and died of a cardiac arrest when i stumbled down that morning really fuzzy-minded from sleep and found a belly-up amphibian at my feet.
i'm so tired, i want to kill myself so i can sleep forever.
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Thursday, September 18th, 2003
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heard this song, and it made me feel a little sad cause it seem to flood my head with a lot of memories. a lot of things i've done that i now regret. but at the same time glad that i'm happy with where i am today.
i hope i can continue to hold my head up high.
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I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
think of all those times you've had those long walks and silently thought to yourself all the things you wanted to accomplish, but felt so small and incapable of effecting those changes. even those changes were as small and insignificant as loving yourself or showing the important people in your life that you loved them.
or those times you done stupid things that broke someone's heart. and wanted so much to take back your actions, but couldn't. yet at the same time, your pride never allowed you to say a simple word like, "sorry."
or those times when in someone's arms, you couldn't allow yourself to feel safe and loved, because of all the scars you bear on your soul. building a wall and driving away the only person who cared enough to want to try and take away those scars.
i want to stop feeling so stressed out all the time. i just worry and worry incessantly. to the point i feel so drained. i want someone to help me bear my emotional burden, but yet i don't allow people close enough to let that happen. i always seek solace in my tears or songs or the comforting purr of a cat's breathe. but that just makes me feel more sad and alone.
why i am so afraid? maybe i feel that i've cried too much and don't want to feel so terribly low anymore. it's not a very nice feeling.
shall stop rambling...
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i think he's cute enough to excuse the lack of finances. don't you guys think so too?
right, back to work. neuroanatomy and ray's assignment.
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freckals's journal
worried.
cheerful.
tired.
lonely.
sick.
exhausted.
nostalgic.